I blame my disorientation for what happened next. “In fact, I bet he wants to give us all his money.” This guy looks friendly enough.” He grinned and pulled a hunting knife from his belt. The redhead zeroed in on the wallet in my hand. All they were missing were the words I’M A THUG printed in large letters across their foreheads. Serpentine tattoo designs covered their necks. Both wore oversize hoodies and baggy pants. Matters could be worse.Ī raspy voice called, “Hey, Cade, take a look at this loser.”īlocking the alley’s exit were two young men: one squat and platinum blond, the other tall and redheaded. I must have retained some of my godly abilities. I peered into the Dumpster, hoping my bow, quiver, and lyre might have fallen to earth with me.
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I found a cheap nylon wallet containing a hundred dollars in American currency-lunch money for my first day as a mortal, perhaps-along with a New York State junior driver’s license featuring a photo of a dorky, curly-haired teen who could not possibly be me, with the name Lester Papadopoulos. I fumbled through my pants pockets, hoping I still had the keys to my sun chariot. You live your entire life trapped in a sack of meat, unable to enjoy simple pleasures like changing into a hummingbird or dissolving into pure light.Īnd now, heavens help me, I was one of you-just another meat sack. I will never understand how you mortals tolerate it. I appeared to be a teenaged Caucasian male, clad in sneakers, blue jeans, and a green polo shirt. Zeus must have been really angry with me. I was somewhere on the west side of Manhattan, I guessed, or perhaps Crown Heights, in Brooklyn. About fifty feet away, the only exit opened onto a street with grimy storefronts for a bail bondsman’s office and a pawnshop. “Araggeeddeee,” I whimpered through the pain. I toppled out and landed on my shoulder, which made a cracking sound against the asphalt. I clawed the rim of the Dumpster and managed to drag myself over the side. I wanted to be on my feet when Zeus came to apologize.
“Yes…” My voice sounded hollow and desperate. Any moment, he will yank me back to Olympus and let me off with a warning. I lay in the garbage, staring at the label inside the Dumpster lid: FOR PICK-UP, CALL 1-555-STENCHY. Zeus needed someone to blame, so of course he’d picked the handsomest, most talented, most popular god in the pantheon: me. The only thing I knew for certain: my punishment was unfair. The gods had been caught off guard, e mbarrassed, almost defeated. There’d been a war with the giants, I thought. I could barely recall what Zeus looked like, much less why he’d decided to toss me to earth. Had my father told me how long this punishment would last? What was I supposed to do to regain his favor? I tried to remember the details of my sentencing. Above, the winter sky was gray and unforgiving. On either side of me, rusty fire escapes zigzagged up brick walls. YOUR FAULT, Zeus’s voice rang in my head.
Imagine feeling helpless, ashamed, completely vulnerable-publicly and brutally stripped of everything that makes you you. Imagine the ice-cold water filling your mouth and lungs, the pressure bruising your skin, turning your joints to putty. How could you-a mere mortal-possibly understand? Imagine being stripped of your clothes, then blasted with a fire hose in front of a laughing crowd. And I sobbed in despair.Įven for a god of poetry such as myself, it is difficult to describe how I felt. My mind stewed in confusion, but one memory floated to the surface-the voice of my father, Zeus: YOUR FAULT. My ribs felt broken, though that shouldn’t have been possible. My nostrils burned with the stench of rancid bologna and used diapers. I lay groaning and aching in the open Dumpster. Is anything sadder than the sound of a god hitting a pile of garbage bags? I plunged into a narrow canyon between two buildings and BAM! I tried to change into a cloud or teleport across the world or do a hundred other things that should have been easy for me, but I just kept falling. I visited my wrath upon Britney Spears at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards.īut in all my immortal life, I never before crash-landed in a Dumpster.
I blessed Babe Ruth with three home runs in game four of the 1926 World Series.
I inflicted a plague on the Greeks who besieged Troy. In my four thousand six hundred and twelve years, I have done many things. Enable “Document outline” ( View > Show document outline ) for easier navigation of chapters.
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